someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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