oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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