I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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