Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
