So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
high people should be assigned attendants
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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