Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
