i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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