we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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