Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my phone needs a breathalizer
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
