You made me cry and you don't even care
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
