I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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