After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
