I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
