Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I understand Curling. That high.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
