Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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