Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
