Farmville is her only friend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
