someone threw a dead crab at me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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