i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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