Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
