i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
