i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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