Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
