I cut my penus on the lid.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
