I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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