i was born a porn star she said
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
