I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
