so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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