I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
