Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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