Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize