Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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