If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
