I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
