This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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