What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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