I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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