i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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