I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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