Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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