nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
