You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
