Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
