SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
