I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
