I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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