i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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