Someone shit on the floor
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
