considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
