I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
