i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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