also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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