That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
