my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i came on her dog
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
