hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Randomize
