your thong is hanging out like whoa
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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