uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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