My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
