hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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