Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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