so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
