I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
