I'm lost and stupid without you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
