So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
