i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
