He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
