You really coming over, don't trick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
