i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
this will be a night to untag.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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