I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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