Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
pray to the hookup gods
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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