I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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