it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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