I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
my liver is dry heaving
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
