HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
