let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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