I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
