The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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