i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
